Real change enduring change happens one step at a time RBG
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Election Day 2020. Especially because I view political engagement as part of self-care, it feels like an ending…of much work, anticipation, angst, determination. And, yet, we wait. We may not have final results for a while, putting us in a prolonged limbo of not knowing. Even if results are resoundingly clear on Election Day in favor of a new administration, we’ll still be in limbo until the new administration takes office in January 2021.
Not Yet; Still Now
Limbo is one of the hardest life spaces to traverse. Hoping for the job offer; anticipating a needed change; waiting for a diagnosis; seeking clarity of direction; sitting with a troubled loved one. Limbo is a common thread in full lives.
Limbo is neither a definitive “no” nor an exuberant “yes.” We can experience it as the in-between of a culmination of things hoped for…or a revelation of our fears and dashing those hopes.
In my self-care journey, I continually (re)learn to reframe limbo as a “not yet; but, still now.” This pandemic is certainly reinforcing that lesson! So much of life is “put on hold” amidst the ongoing COVID crisis. Still, in the now, I breathe in the gratitude of life’s gifts. In the now, I more fully receive those gifts. I become more fully present. Then, I breathe out with acknowledgment of my privilege. In the still now, I consider how to responsibly share that privilege…even as I recognize the not yet of equitable power.
Get Grounded; Reclaim Our Time; Celebrate the Work
When we had a teenager in our household, grounding was a fairly common occurrence. I came to appreciate “grounding” as time to help her get back into a routine and nurturance of home. After initial resentment and resistance, she settled into a time of recalibration. Grounding can feel like punishment or be experienced as rest/re-set in the now.
Limbo is a time to get grounded. In this limbo, I plan to emulate role model Rep. Maxine Waters and #ReclaimMyTime. Limbo is a time to reflect on what I “control” versus “influence.” I don’t control the outcome, but I feel good about actions taken to influence the impact. It’s a time to recalibrate and recommit to foundational self-care facets of rest, movement, nutrition, connection. In the pressures of election deadlines, these self-care foundations get a bit unbalanced. Now is the time to reclaim them.
Stacey Abrams’ brilliant and resilient voice is a consistent inspiration. (I especially admire that she never conceded the illegitimate results of the Georgia governor election!) I avidly listen to Abrams’ interviews. Her conversation on Hillary Clinton’s podcast was exponential inspiration. And, her phenomenal new book Our Time is Now starkly portrays the insidiousness of voter suppression, along with ways to address it, now and long term. Her book is an important resource for change agents—and anyone interested in civic engagement—i.e., hopefully, everyone!
I especially resonate with how Abrams reframes success—an important self-care and strategic structural strategy. She advises that success isn’t defined merely by “winning.” Instead, it comes through celebrating the work. “When winning is all that matters, how you win has less and less relevance.” Even in this time of limbo, we can celebrate the work. This celebration informs the future and honors the now.
Acknowledging Grief & Gratitude; Choosing Hope
The work includes celebrating changed spirits (and votes), the conviction of people showing up, and their courage in standing strong. In places and ways unanticipated and unprecedented, we witnessed engagement and empowerment, amidst unrelenting obstacles. In limbo, we can celebrate and be grateful for that and each other.
At the same time, amidst the crises of COVID and anti-racism activism, we must acknowledge the terrible injustices being uncovered: unrelenting racism, insidious sexism, emboldened bigotry, inequities embedded in our country’s very fabric. In this, we acknowledge grief in learning who some people are—and we must not unsee their character. Silence is complicity; structural change requires individual accountability and engagement. Limbo self-care includes reflecting on these realities.
In limbo, may we continue to honor those who went before us. As Notorious RBG observed, “Real change. Enduring change happens one step at a time.” And, as Rep. John “Good Trouble” Lewis encouraged, “Be hopeful; be optimistic. Never lose that sense of hope.”
With Hope, Peace, Love, and Self-Care,
Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!