Be Patient With Yourself
by Emily D. McKenzie, MSW, CSW, CCM
My story isn’t unique. Like many social workers, I got into the field because I cared deeply about the many injustices in our world and had a desire to help. I started my career with lots of passion and a ton of energy!
What I did not have was a solid plan to care for myself while trying to care for others. It never occurred to me that I should have one! Self-care, as a concept, was mentioned throughout my educational program; but what it actually meant and how to implement it remained a mystery. In my first few years as a practitioner, I learned many lessons the hard way. It took total burnout and a job change before I learned to truly use self-care strategies I’d been sharing with my clients for years.
Maybe you can learn from some of my mistakes. Warning: At some level, these lessons are cliché, which is part of why I avoided them for so long.
Get Over Yourself!
Doing something we love for a living, especially when we view it as critically important, can make us take ourselves a bit too seriously. As a new social worker, I was guilty of this self-important need complex. Of course, my job was important; but I overidentified with it for far too long. I worked when I wasn’t at work, volunteered for on-call coverage, and re-scheduled obligations to accommodate everyone but myself.
Then, when I returned from an 8-week medical leave, it started to dawn on me. Things were just as I’d left them. Nothing fell apart. Perhaps I was not the center of the universe? Did I have control issues? I realized I was not the only one capable of doing my job; an entire community of colleagues could cover for me, if needed. Furthermore, if I left altogether, others were willing to take my job. Eventually, that’s what happened (and it felt amazing).
Say: Nope. No, Thank You.
This one is super cliché. I’m sorry…whoops, NO. I’m not sorry.
Learning to unapologetically, confidently say NO became critical in my self-care, my general survival as a social worker, and being a human being! “No” is, as I’ve told countless clients, a complete sentence. Sometimes our plates are full. And, even when they aren’t full, it’s okay to Just say no.
Know Thyself.
Life happens, and sometimes something has to give. Knowing myself, knowing what is most important to me—the things I’m absolutely unwilling to compromise on—has made it easier to know what takes priority when things get rough. For me, it’s my family.
A few years ago, my family experienced multiple losses in a very short period of time. Knowing what I valued most made me unapologetic in my boundaries around every other obligation, to prioritize family. Fortunately, a community of colleagues understood and gave me the support I needed. But, even when that’s not the case, knowing yourself, what matters most, and prioritizing those values is essential self-care.
Roll with Change.
Heraclitus said, “Change is the only constant in life.” Change can be painful, but it’s inevitable. As life has changed, I’ve been compelled to change my self-care plan, too. At times, small tweaks have been necessary. Other times, my plan has been completely overhauled. Just as life changes, so do we. Much of what was helpful or comforting to me at 23 years old is no longer helpful or comforting at 33 years old (e.g., staying up until midnight).
If it no longer serves you, re-evaluate, re-connect (with yourself), revise. Maybe you need to reduce, reuse, recycle. As Donia Addison shared in her blog post, Relax, Reset, Rediscover: “As humans, we grow and evolve, our self-care should too.”
Give Yourself Grace.
And, perhaps, the most cliché of all: Give yourself the same grace you give others. We’re no different from our clients, colleagues, and everyone else. Social workers are just people with demanding jobs. Grace-giving allows me to take care of myself.
A cliché is defined as “something that’s overused.” I’ve learned it’s not enough to overuse or overstate these clichés for others to follow. I have to implement them in my life. I hope my self-care story encourages others to make “cliché self-care” the real thing.
Emily McKenzie
Emily McKenzie
Emily D. McKenzie, MSW, CSW, CCM, is a certified care manager and social worker with children and their families at a pediatric orthopedic hospital in Lexington, KY. She is a social work doctoral candidate at the University of Kentucky.