Michelle Obama Becoming
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
Through her story, shared in her memoir and documentary (both titled Becoming), I see Michelle Obama as a role model for many reasons. Let’s consider ways for becoming more like her in practicing self-care.
1. Prioritize core relationships.
Ms. Obama demonstrates that relationships matter. First, she prioritizes family. She seeks out and soaks in relational mentoring. She nurtures professional colleagues and cherishes friendships, especially with women. She describes “being rigorous about friendships.” She advises: Hold true friends close. Choose people who lift you up. And avoid those who are “thirsty.” Some of the most compelling documentary scenes are those when she met with young people and gave her whole attention to them. Similarly, at book signings, when she welcomed people in line, again and again, moments of pure connection shone. She is simply present. Be connected; be present: Self-care!
2. Take responsibility for one’s own self-care.
Explicitly and implicitly, Ms. Obama shows how she takes charge of her own well-being and sense of self. One illustrative example: As a new mother, she resented that her husband could still get to the gym. Then, she realized she “needed to figure out how to do that for myself.” And she did.
3. Do the work.
Much of her story is about “doing the work” to go deeper in becoming. Ms. Obama shares that she realized early on in their relationship that Barack Obama could be a “tsunami” that swept her away. So, she was intentional about retaining a healthy sense of self, including marital therapy. Dissatisfied with being a lawyer, she dedicated a year of intentional exploration to figure out what she wanted. From parenting to public speaking, she uses self-care strategies such as journaling, coaching, networking to become more her-self. She’s a case study in becoming more self-FULL.
4. Have a sense of purpose.
From intentional exploration, Ms. Obama discovered her vocation in public service. Clearly, vocation, as contrasted with a particular position or external ambition, gives her clarity for a long-term, evolving purpose. She notes that the eight years in the White House is a small segment of life. She seems to both have a commitment to present roles and a calling for her life of purpose.
5. Stay grounded in principles.
This sense of purpose is grounded in a commitment to core values. She said, “I have learned that as long as I hold fast to my beliefs and values, and follow my own moral compass, then the only expectations I have to live up to are my own.” Purpose and principles root self-care, especially in navigating challenging times.
6. Own your story.
“Even when it’s not pretty or perfect. Even when it’s more real than you want it to be, your story is what you have.... It is something to own.” Ms. Obama shares her story-self with genuineness. Unapologetically, and instructively, she presents her story within the contextual stories of being a Black woman in a racist and sexist culture. She owns her story of being a “Southside girl” and being at the “tables of power” across the globe, belonging in both spheres and in-betweens. She authentically expresses the full range of human emotions. She acknowledges grief of losses of friends, family, miscarriage; struggles with infertility and her own life-path; anger and hurt at misrepresentations; and even dangers imposed on her and her family. She expresses heart-felt disappointment that so many (especially women) did not vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election. Yet, she chooses joy and hope. She starts her day with music, injects humor at every opportunity, and has spiritual practices. Owning your story: Self-Care!
7. Remember the fundamentals.
She talks authentically about her family’s struggles with stressors, which can contribute to unhealthy habits. Her concern for her own family’s health led her to giving more attention to nutrition, movement, and rest. She made these her public cause. Through personal example and public education, she shows how these fundamental factors affect every aspect of human well-being.
Ms. Obama’s overarching self-care lesson is that we are all becoming. Self-care is a journey, not a destination. I’m grateful for trail-blazers like Michelle Obama who generously share some of their struggles, successes, and strategies for becoming. Who inspires your self-care becoming journey?
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!