by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
enough
“I’m terrible at self-care” or “I wish I could do self-care” are typical responses when self-care is the topic. Equally common are the refrains “Isn’t self-care a privilege?” or “I wish I had time for self-care.” On the surface, these responses might seem quite different from each other.
But, they actually stem from the same root: A deep, tentacled misunderstanding of what self-care is. To clarify: Self-care is taking care of yourself.
Here is a magic formula for taking care of yourself perfectly! Okay…it’s not magical nor perfect. But, it’s Good Enough.
Start with where you are…
The social work adage, “Start with where the client is,” applies to our own self-care. Instead of starting where we are in our life circumstances, we often frustrate our efforts by having unrealistic, grand, quick-fix expectations of self-care. Rather than starting where we are, we shame and sabotage ourselves with “shoulds” and “can’ts.”
Likewise, we wait for a “perfect” time or strategy. We think in some future state, we’ll have the resources or readiness to take care of ourselves. And, too often, we abdicate our power by deferring self-care, saying, “I’ll practice self-care when I have a better supervisor, healthier work environment, less stress….”
But, the locus of most “control” is with one’s own self. Meet yourself where you are and ask: What do I need? Want? How can I care for myself? Today? This moment?
You might be practicing self-care if…
Are you breathing? Congratulations! You’re alive; so, in some way, you are practicing self-care.
Self-care is a lifestyle; it’s how we breathe more freely and fully. Notice, I said more freely and fully—not perfectly.
Frequently, we undermine our self-care by thinking because we aren’t doing it perfectly that we aren’t doing it at all. We compare our self-care to some “photo-shopped,” idealized vision of self-care. Or, someone else’s definition of self-care.
I invite you to take a strengths perspective and do an Appreciative Inquiry of your self-care. In other words, what’s working? Catch yourself in the self-care act/attitude. Below is a handy-dandy Checklist. If you’re doing any of these, you are practicing self-care.
You Might Be Practicing Self Care if
Be appreciatively attentive to any of the ways you take care of yourself and positively reinforce those.
“Good Enough” self-care is often best…
Of course! You could do better. And, with reflection, refinement, and intentionality, you will get better with self-care. Believe me! I’ve been avidly practicing, studying, and promoting self-care for many years. I’ve gotten much better at it, in lots of ways. And, definitively, oftentimes, my best self-care is just Good Enough.
Good Enough doesn’t mean we aren’t striving to improve our self-care. It just means not getting discouraged and defeated by unrealistic expectations. Start with where you are. Notice how you are taking care. Give yourself credit, kudos, and permission to celebrate when Good Enough self-care is…well, good and—especially during these times—enough.
Peace, Love, & Self-Care,
Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!