Butterfly Mindfulness
by Tara Coffing, MSW, CSW
When I started in social work, I thought self-care only meant vacations, pedicures, and socializing. And then...
Two years ago, I got sick, likely from being extraordinarily stressed and neglecting deep self-care. I was no longer able to take care of myself, my son, or even our dog. I couldn’t even stand in the shower; I had to take a bath. Through that experience, I learned who to count on and how to take care of myself.
I’m living with a chronic condition. Through self-care, I’m healing, and I hope for a full recovery. Although I found myself forced to practice wholistic self-care, it’s a good thing.
Mind
I’d neglected my mental health for years. I thought, as a helper, I didn’t need to be helped. I was wrong! One day—a couple months before I got physically sick—I went to work, sat down, started crying, and couldn’t stop. Everything seemed completely out of control. Luckily, co-workers offered me the help I needed in that moment.
They recommended a therapist I still see, who keeps me grounded. Good friends support me, but it’s important to get objective advice. Therapy encourages me to ask for additional help, too.
Body
Also, after long neglect, I address my physical health routinely. With everyday life obligations, it’s easy to push through, ignore nagging pains, and put off important appointments. Having a chronic health issue makes these commitments critical. To heal, I must attend to my body.
Since my condition affects my energy levels, maintaining a healthy diet is a struggle. Cooking is difficult, especially in evenings. I’m learning tricks for incorporating healthier foods. I’m not there yet, but I'm working on it.
After being in physical therapy (PT) for five months, the pandemic hit. For various reasons, I stopped PT, which was actually a nice break, because PT was grueling. Later, PT became an option again. I was struggling; so, I decided to go back, even though I knew what it entailed. I stuck with it, until I felt prepared to be on my own. It’s okay to take a break, but don’t give up on yourself—even when it’s hard.
Spirit
Recently, I awoke feeling lethargic. Actually, I’d just been going through the motions for days. This day, I decided to treat myself like I was sick. I ate easy foods, slept lots, took a luxurious spa-shower, and did what I wanted (or NOT) all day. By evening, I felt rejuvenated and went to see my best friend. She cooked a delicious meal, and we laughed a lot. Next day, I was back. I’d needed a re-set.
My body literally shuts down when my spirit is broken. Part of my self-care journey is learning to recognize the signs before being forced to re-set.
No & Yes
Setting boundaries is a self-care aspect I overlooked for years, especially saying “No.” Because so much of my identity is “helper,” saying no is challenging. As a single mom who works full time, I felt responsible for doing everything, which is impossible.
When I got sick, I wasn’t able to do anything for myself. Though difficult, I learned to ask for help. Slowly recovering, I’m learning my limitations, saying no in order to survive. Sometimes it’s something I want to do. But, as “spoon theory” explains, I can only do so much in a day. When I don’t set limits, a flare-up puts me in bed the next day.
Exercising the power of “no” has lifted such burden. I wish I’d found it earlier. This self-care lesson is the hardest, yet best. Such a liberating revelation: I don’t have to say yes just because someone asks me to do something. I don’t have to volunteer to pick up the slack. It’s OKAY to say, “No, I’m busy.” My “busy” might be cleaning house, attending an appointment, or…s-h-h-h…sleeping.
When we learn how to truly care for ourselves, it impacts all areas of life, personally and professionally. Recently, my self-care investment gave me the courage to say “no” to a job that could take over my life.
Please, don’t be forced into self-care. Start small. Make an appointment for a physical. Schedule a lunch. Once you start saying “Yes” to yourself, you’ll be amazed!
Tara Coffing
Tara Coffing earned her MSW in 2010 from Spalding University. She has worked in various social work positions with both nonprofit and government agencies.