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Expert Advice
by Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, lead co-editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals
What’s your best self-care advice? Behavioral scientist Katy Milkman reports that when people give advice on a subject, it increases the likelihood of achieving their own goals and changing behaviors. Let’s seriously consider taking our own self-care advice.
To get started, here’s mine.
1. Routine habits have exponential effects.
Daily habits significantly affect overall quality of life. My self-care habits—including daily walks, monthly massages, yoga practice, nature fixes, gratitude practice—are sometimes difficult to maintain. But, after many years of self-care practice, I struggle less to keep them, in part, because I see the compounded impact. Tracking my SMART goals helps. Also, simple routines set up success. For instance, making the bed (Check!) sets the tone for my day.
Advice: Commit to specific healthy habits.
2. The meaning ascribed to something has tremendous influence.
Much of self-care is an inside job. It’s about approach and attitude—not just actions. The ABC-X framework helps: A=What’s happening; B=Resources; C=Meaning Ascribed, and X=Outcome. Keeping a growth mindset, practicing self-compassion, and countering learned helplessness are ways to ascribe healthy meanings. A favorite self-care adage: “If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.” So, if I don’t meet a goal, I intentionally ascribe a growth mindset: What did I learn? What could I do differently? I redefine success with compassion. Likewise, instead of ascribing meaning solely to what an outside force (e.g., that person, the organization, etc.) is doing to me, I actively consider where I have the most impact/responsibility. In a power analysis, I consider what resources I have or need to develop. To clarify, I don’t ascribe meaning that discounts accountability; rather, I attach meaning that accentuates my empowerment.
Advice: Ascribe meaning that promotes well-being.
3. Connections and boundaries are key.
Relationships are central to self-care. Community/communal care and self-care are complementary. Interdependently, people affect well-being. Self-care includes assessing and attending to our relationships. As a clinical social worker, I routinely asked those in relationship therapy to consider their bank accounts and calendars. Where and with whom do you “invest” your time and money? Whether partnership, family, friendship, colleagues, or community, relationships require ongoing commitment and sustained energy. My self-care includes ensuring my priorities—pragmatically!—reflect those connections that matter. Also, healthy connections entail setting boundaries. Other people don’t “respect” my boundaries; I do. I decide—granted, not always easily—about my boundaries. Maintaining boundaries opens up space for the necessary nurturance of healthy relationships.
Advice: Prioritize healthy connections. Respect my own boundaries.
4. Know yourself.
Connection with self is the core relationship, because it significantly affects all other aspects. This simple lesson is profound. Self-care is how we take care of ourselves. But, to care for self, I must KNOW myself—which requires a discipline of intentional attention and consistent awareness. What do I like, value, need, want, dream, hope, contribute? This self-awareness informs and clarifies pragmatic decisions, philosophical principles, and personal preferences and priorities. Oftentimes, therapy is a crucial resource for this exploration. Committed reflection time is one way I pursue this self-awareness.
Advice: Attend to knowing myself. Sequester regular time for reflection.
5. Sustaining self-care requires daily vigilance and investment.
I’ve been studying, practicing, and promoting self-care a long time! And, believe me, it does not “just happen.” Yes, I have more successes—especially since I learned how to “redefine success!” I know more strategies—after all, I follow my own advice, often. 😊 AND, self-care is still a struggle. Like any growth process, self-care must be fed, nurtured, developed. Otherwise, it stagnates and atrophies. I’m constantly reading and listening to podcasts that inform and inspire my self-care. I nurture it through my self-care support/accountability circles.
Advice: Seek self-care information, inspiration, support, accountability, and nurturance. Be intentional and consistent with these commitments.
6. Self-care is a lifestyle, not a luxury. It’s a way of being, not a break from reality.
It’s not a “mask” for emergencies; it’s breath that sustains daily living. Self-care is not just feel-good stuff. And, it is about feel-good stuff. A self-care lifestyle embraces the Ands: Mundane and creative; play and discipline; flow and structure; grief and gratitude; rest and work; anger and joy; community and solitude.
Advice: Breathe!
Your turn! What’s your advice?
Peace, Love, & Self-Care, Erlene
Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens, EdD, LCSW, MSW, MRE, is a Partner in The Wellness Group, ETC. This LLC provides evaluation, training, and consultation for organizational wellness and practitioner well-being. Dr. Grise-Owens is lead editor of The A-to-Z Self-Care Handbook for Social Workers and Other Helping Professionals. As a former faculty member and graduate program director, she and a small (but mighty!) group of colleagues implemented an initiative to promote self-care as part of the social work education curriculum. Previously, she served in clinical and administrative roles. She has experience with navigating toxicity and dysfunction, up-close and personal! Likewise, as an educator, she saw students enter the field and quickly burn out. As a dedicated social worker, she believes the well-being of practitioners is a matter of social justice and human rights. Thus, she is on a mission to promote self-care and wellness!