Welcome Home, Stranger, by Kate Christensen, is a compelling fiction read of a woman at middle age who returns to her childhood home after the death of her mother.
The main character, Rachel, is an environmental writer living in Washington, DC, with her gay now- ex-husband and his fiancé. Her sister Celeste lives in Maine with her wealthy husband and two teenage children and has built a life awash in privilege. Celeste has been the primary caregiver of the women’s mother as she became ill and was dying. Rachel has not been present in recent years or at the end of her mother’s life. In the aftermath of their mother’s death, long-buried memories and stories emerge that tell a tale of their mother’s alcoholism, narcissism, and often-inappropriate sexual behavior boundaries.
The competing realities of a parent who was unable to appropriately care for her children and was highly demanding of care and attention throughout her life is at the source of the complexity of the story. Rachel had taken a turn at caregiving of her mother 10 years prior to her death, a vortex of demands and emotional manipulation. “And somehow, throughout this entire time, she remained under the staggering delusion that I was there for my own enjoyment, as sort of a vacation from my stressful job, as if this were some sort of honor for me, and the pleasure of her company was its own reward” (p. 75). The caregiving experience with a demanding parent resulted in Rachel’s realization that her own existence depended on the necessity of disconnecting from family. Despite the survival strategies employed by Rachel, the finality of death comes with new layers of complexity: “My mother told me not to come, barked it like an order. I didn’t want to, so I listened to her. And now she’s gone.” (p. 38)
Christensen’s writing is vulnerable, self-effacing, and witty, with sentences that so eloquently sum up a truth that the reader is tempted to highlight content that affirms universal lived experiences. Christensen demonstrates a deep knowledge of complex family relationships and the emotional toll that such relationships take on those who have had to find a way to survive.
Social workers will understand the tightrope of survival for those who come from dysfunctional families, the boundaries that are set to protect oneself, and the complexity of grief reactions, which alternately take the form of relief and guilt. These are the families we see in our social work practice, the families we intuitively understand have had to separate to survive a history of trauma. And these are the individuals and families we often must work with in acceptance of what is, rather than what should have been.
Reviewed by Lisa Eible, DSW, MSW, LCSW a consultant, writer, and educator with more than 33 years of social work experience. Her professional interests include social work in healthcare, administration, leadership, supervision, Relational-Cultural Theory, and diversity issues.