Compassion Dartboard
by Sharise Nance, LCSW, CCTP
Entering the social work profession can be exciting...and frightening. As a new social worker, you want to do it all. You are full of energy. You want to help everyone. You want to save the world. The expectations are high, and the compensation may be low. This work is both challenging and rewarding. We see people at their best and worst every day. We have the privilege of helping people with their most valuable assets - their lives!
Many new social workers are ill-prepared for the harsh realities of this profession.
I would cry after conference calls and in the car on my way to client visits. Then I would cry because I felt guilty for being exhausted. I became a master at appearing like I had it together. I tried going to bed early, taking bubble baths, and getting massages. These techniques were temporary fixes for a year-round problem. After attending a trauma conference, I learned I was struggling with compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is the emotional distress or apathy resulting from the constant demands of caring for others and witnessing pain, suffering, and trauma. It is a serious, yet natural, consequence of helping people who are experiencing pain and trauma.
Signs and symptoms of compassion fatigue include:
- Increased irritability
- Sleep disturbances
- Moodiness
- Withdrawal
- Appetite changes
- Hopelessness
- Overwhelm
- Numbness
- Shutdown
- Hypersensitivity
- Loss of purpose
- Questioning meaning of life
- Diminished self-esteem
- Rapid heartbeat
- Body pain
- Dread of working with certain clients
- Difficulty separating work from personal life
- Mistrust
Compassion fatigue is like an abscess. It builds gradually and is commonly missed or mistaken for sadness or exhaustion. Unaddressed, it becomes extremely painful and eventually explodes. The good news is you can intervene at any point. However, don’t wait until you explode.
Physical and emotional exhaustion, guilt, ambivalence, pain, and suffering do not have to be waiting in the wings for you. The following strategies can help you shift from compassion fatigue to compassion satisfaction.
- Empathize Mindfully: Mindful or conscious empathy is fully feeling and experiencing another person’s emotions while being fully grounded in your own being. You are self-regulating while empathizing. You can observe their feelings with no attachment. You can allow space between their pain and your well-being. “I feel your pain, but this pain does not belong to me.” “I will treat this pain as a visitor by observing, accepting, and letting it go”. When you are intentional about practicing conscious empathy, you are more equipped to help heal others.
- Get clear on your values: Values can guide you in challenging situations. When faced with a difficult decision, ask yourself, “Does this align with my values?” Being unclear, fuzzy, and/or compromising your values leads to stress, dissatisfaction, compassion fatigue, or burnout. We are happiest when our lives are consistent with our highest values and innermost convictions. We enjoy working for companies that uphold our values. Take some time to reflect on 3-5 values that are most important to you. Get clear about what you believe in, what you stand for, and do not deviate from these values.
- Say "No" more often: N-o is arguably the most powerful two-letter statement. Many helpers struggle with using this statement. Saying no can feel like we are not helping or allowing someone in distress to experience more stress. When we say no, we are setting boundaries for ourselves, clients, and loved ones. We are teaching them how to respect us, themselves, and others. We are also teaching our clients and loved ones the meaning of staying true to their values and principles. Take a moment and practice saying say “No,” “No thank you,” “No I cannot,” “I cannot make a visit to you today as your appointment was scheduled for Tuesday.” Most importantly, give yourself permission to take a pause and reflect on the consequences of saying yes or no. How will this answer affect your future self?
- Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion is awareness of our pain, suffering, and shortcomings without judgment and following through with action. Self-compassion includes the recognition of what is happening to us, naming the behavior, and showing kindness to ourselves. It is shifting our self-talk from “I should have caught that in the session” to “I felt overwhelmed today and had a challenging day,” or “Challenging days happen, and tomorrow will be better.”
You can learn to do the work you love without guilt, anxiety, sadness, and hopelessness. Many of us feel we are doing what we were called to do, and our work is a natural extension of ourselves. Remember why you chose this field, and invest in the work on yourself to experience the many rewards of this work. You have the privilege of being invited to parts of your client’s lives that many others cannot, will not, or do not have permission to access.
Your servant leadership and selfless acts in effecting positive change in the lives of others do not go unnoticed. Remember, as you do this work, Your Self-Care Matters, too.
Sharise Nance
Sharise Nance
Sharise Nance, LCSW, CCTP, is an award-winning author, co-owner and founder of HandinHand Counseling Services, LLC, and founder of VitaminChealing. She is dedicated to enhancing the emotional wellness of helping professionals struggling with self-care, work-life satisfaction, compassion fatigue, and burnout. She resides in Pittsburgh, PA, with her husband.